What an emotional Roller Coaster. Please can I get off now?

We'll Monday will mark the second week of Jimmy's death. I've cried so much. Way more than I've actually cried over a blood relative which I suppose may be sad to some people. But in my mind even though I loved those family members they were either old or sick. My uncle really wasn't old but he had lived more than 28 yrs. The death of my grandmothers hit me hard but like I say they were both in the 90's range. They had their families and their families had thiers too so even though I miss them both they had lived.

Our beloved drummer was just really hitting his stride. He seemed so proud of their latest album. He had contributed so much to it. He had a new attitude and it was easy to see in his face. He was way beyond talented he was iconic even at this early stage in his career. Jimmy had so much to give and share with us all. Just watching him play was a real treat.

So many people keep telling me to look at the wonderful things he did and the funny things he said but right now all I can focus on is the fact that he's gone and he's never coming back. That drumset in the back remains empty. Huge shoes to fill so huge I'm sure there is no one who will ever be able to wear them. I see so many things changing in our future as Avenged Sevenfold fans. The hole he has left in our hearts will forever remain. We will accept whomever they choose we have no other option. It's not like he just walked away or was fired.

So many things I morn over related to our Jimmy. I of course morn over my own love for him but there are so many of his fans who have never met him. I was blessed enough to meet him on more than one occation but those fans can't ever know that joy. Some fans will never get to see him play on stage. That breaks my heart. Even though the only way you could usually know he was there was by an occational glimpse of his knee or his head bobbing and of course his awesome talent with those drums. His completely original voice that so compliments our beloved M. Shadows voice.

I morn for the band who is in such remarkable pain. They lost a friend and a brother. Someone who knew them better than they knew themselves I'm sure.  They lost someone they could count on to not let them down in a preformance, someone who could create perfect lyrics and harmonies, A true friend. A beloved part of them that I hope they cherish within themselves.

Avenged Sevenfold came into my life as they have in so many of their fans lives when they needed them most. I had a bout with a major health issue where I almost died myself. It was 2004 and I had just arrived on the road to recovery. I was introduced to them by a friend who said listen to these guys from the west coast they rock out. When I heard Unholy confessions I fell madly in love with these guys. They had heart and soul something music has been missing for many years now. Unfortunately because of my health it took me until 2006 to finally see them in concert and to be lucky enough to meet then entire band that same night. We drank with them at a bar in Myrtle Beach. It was a night I will never forget no matter how long I live. That very night they received my unfaltering devotion to them. They were genuine guys who loved doing what they were doing.

I will never falter in loving this band. I am far from getting over Jimmy's death and it may take quite a while for me to be able to handle it or in some cases even talk about it. My hope is to one day smile and talk about his life freely. But at  this point I just need time. I hope everyone who is reading this is getting along well.

Always dear to my heart---James "Jimmy" "The Rev" Sullivan 02/09/1984 - 12/28/2009

Gone but never forgotten!