Top 10 Must-See Summer Tours And Festivals

For a nervous, pale anxiety-ridden freak like myself, concerts can be very stressful, but they’re worth it. No matter how many people step on me, or fist-pump their sweaty, balled-up hands into my cheek, their armpit odor wafting straight into my nose. Cheap cologne can’t hide it. People at concerts are half awful, brainless hipster drones and preppy tank-top wearing, Walmart hoes. Dancing an air bubble around themselves, a gap no one wants to enter, therefore creating a bad diversion for people trying to concentrate on the stage. Whether you’re focusing on Mike Patton’s bulging eyes or Lady Gaga’s set design and costumes, Bono’s leather jacket, or Tegan and Sara’s witty folk songs, it’s never something you want to miss.
No matter what or who you’re trying to see, and no matter who or what is distracting and annoying you, it’s still worth going to some concerts this summer. Especially some festivals. Just because Coachella and SXSW are over doesn’t mean you don’t have options. Lollapalooza has Gaga herself, a rare pop choice, and also Soundgarden, who will make a reunited appearance. I knew Chris Cornell needed money, and thank god for that because there aren’t many fans of music who wouldn’t like to see Grunge icons Soundgarden perform one last time. It’s also the return of Lilith Fair, the sometimes scoffed at all-woman musician festival founded by animal activist and proclaimed flower child Sarah Mclachlan.
Concert festivals have come a long way since their fledgling years. With Monterey Pop Festival and Woodstock in the past, new concerts are much more organized. This is good and bad. Security is tripled, so if you consider yourself cunning for climbing 8 foot fences and not having anyone notice your vacant wristband, then good for you. Just don’t expect applause, except the applause you’ll be hearing in the distance as you’re being dragged out by two huge guys in black shirts. The real applause will be the applause of the masses, applauding their favorite artists. Grinning and bearing the heat and the bad toilets and the lack of cheap water. All because they love music and they are united by this one fact and it makes it all worth it. And here’s why….
1. Lollapalooza – Three days in Chicago, August 6th through 8th. Perry Farrell’s waify genius spawned this festival back in the early ninties, and while Lollapalooza has been canceled and revived twice now, it is always one of the top three music festivals yearly due to a consistently amazing lineup. This year is of course no exception. They’ve got Soundgarden of course and Lady Gaga as well as Greenday, The Strokes, Metric, Arcade Fire, MGMT, Jimmy Cliff, The Black Keys, Spoon, Slightly Stoopid, Chromeo, Hockey, Rebelution, Company Of Thieves, New Pornographers, Devo, Cypress Hill and so many more. This is the most extensive and most versatile festival out there besides Coachella, which is over, so you have no choice but to go if you live anywhere near Chicago or have gold-lined pockets that make it easy for you to travel. Check out the official website for full lineups and information.
2. Lilith Fair – As much as I joke about Lilith Fair being a slightly ridiculous event, I really wouldn’t mind being there at all this year. Yes it’s the return of Lilith Fair and The Go-Go’s are going to be there! Belinda Carlisle mic in hand, that cute little Jane Wiedlin, Gina Schock and her array of drumsticks and Kathy Valentine’s bass. Also, Rihanna’s hot ass. Ke$ha, though god knows she’s not great live, she might shoot something booze-drenched and shiny out of her orifices. Emily Haines with Metric, for poetic indie rockers. The soothing swagger of Norah Jones. La Roux’s Bulletproof red coif. The Gossip and their clowny yet soulful lead singer Beth Ditto. Erykah Badu and her hats. Heart, need I say more? Kelly Clarkson, Suzanne Vega, Tegan And Sara! Founder Sarah Mclachlan. Sheryl Crow. Emmylou Harris. Carly Simon. Cat Power. Mary J. Blige. And finally The Bangles, featuring the always lovely never aging Susanna Hoffs. The one huge downside is that not all the artists will be appearing at all dates. Kicks off June 27th in Calgary and ends August 16th in Dallas. Tickets and tour information here.
3. Warped Tour 2010 – Honestly, I have grown to disdain Warped Tour, sometimes I find it childish and over the top. Just kind of an emo cream puff with an occasional rare rock or post-punk flavor. The year Joan Jett and The Buzzcocks played was cool of course, and Blink 182 used to always headline. This year might be an exception for my disdain. I didn’t want to include it on my list, but I visited the tour page, and was a little impressed. Against Me! will be there performing songs from their new Butch Vig-produced album, “White Crosses.” Also visiting Warped Tour are Dropkick Murphys, Alkaline Trio, Anti-Flag, Enter Shikari, After Midnight Project, Cobra Skulls, Face To Face, Eyes Set To Kill, Everclear, Bring Me To The Horizon, Andrew W.K. and Pennywise, with their newly added lead singer, Zoli Teglas. Warped tour goes from June 25th to August 15th. Visit for information at Vans Warped Tour 2010.
4. Sasquatch! – Lower Washington and Oregon’s own Sasquatch festival. While it does technically take place in Washington, we Oregonians like to call it our own because we have no big music festivals to speak of. Bumbershoot may be for the Seattle crowd, while Sasquatch features actual beautiful scenery as a backdrop for a lot of really great music. With a view of water and flat-topped hills, Sasquatch features several stages, Sasquatch Main Stage, Yeti Stage and Wookie Stage. Founded in 2002 by Adam Zacks who once was responsible for booking at Portland’s Roseland Theater, Sasquatch starts this year on Memorial Day Weekend. May 29th through 31st. So get on it, it’s just around the corner. This year Sasquatch features The Hold Steady, Broken Social Scene, OK Go, Vampire Weekend, My Morning Jacket, Miike Snow, The Posies and my favorite, Laura Marling.
5. Harmony Festival – Oh Reggae how I love you. And how overlooked you sometimes are. Fortunately there’s a great summer tour mostly dedicated to Reggae. Starts June 11th in Santa Rosa, California, ends June 13th, this one of a kind festival will be graced by the presences of Lauryn Hill, Rebelution,The Expendables, Slightly Stoopid, Zappa Plays Zappa and Steel Pulse. Not to mention Ska/Funk/Rock band Fishbone, who openly inspired Red Hot Chili Peppers. Head to http://www.harmonyfestival.com/ for more details.
6. Bonnaroo – Superfly Productions and AC Entertainment present you with the ever enchanting, always relaxing Bonnaroo music and arts festival. Bonnaroo’’s main focus once was strictly jam bands, but in recent years they’ve branched out a bit. The word Bonnaroo means “a really good time.” So prepare yourself for that. This year you’ll see Jay-Z, Stevie Wonder, Jimmy Cliff, Kings of Leon, Rise Against, Tenacious D, Tori Amos, Conan O’Brian, The Dead Weather, Weezer, Dave Matthews Band and Phoenix. Keep your eyes peeled for Beyonce, as she did jump on stage with Jay-Z at Coachella earlier this year, she may do it again at Bonnaroo. June 10th through 13th solely in Manchester, Tennessee.
7. Rockstar Mayhem Festival - You can’t pass up the chance to miss Rob Zombie, Korn and Five Finger Death Punch at Mayhem Festival this year. Mayhem Festival started in 2008, founded by Kevin Lyman who also founded Warped Tour. So basically, Mayhem Festival is the more haggard, more hardcore cousin of Warped Tour. Other bands scheduled are Chimaira, Atreyu, Hatebreed, Shadows Fall and Winds of Plague, not to mention many more. Begins July 10th in  San Bernardino, California, ends August 14th in  Oklahoma City. Read about it here.
8. Bumbershoot - Alright, I’m getting ahead of myself by adding Seattle’s Bumbershoot festival, since they haven’t announced a lineup yet. This event has been so good year to year, that I can’t really bring myself to leave it out. Miss Cleo tells me it’ll be a good Bumbershoot year, and I always listen to crazy people with sketchy advertising and absurd headbands. I’m not likely to appear at many festivals ever, because after I stand in the sun for an hour, I start to get confused with a Roma Tomato, but this is actually an event I may attend. One that I have attended in the past. Like Coachella, Bumbershoot really branches out. They usually feature not only many fine musical acts but worthwhile comedy and art exhibits as well. So you missed Coachella? Live in the Pacific Northwest? Go to Bumbershoot. The word “bumbershoot” may be slang for umbrella but I wouldn’t worry about bringing one, the time of year is ripe for sun, even in Seattle. Bands will surely be announced soon so check up on it here.
9. Rockstar Uproar – Want to hear Metallica’s new single? Well too bad, you can’t. But you can hear Avenged Sevenfold’s new single, which is the closest thing we have. “ Nightmare,” is a Metallica frosting cake with Coheed and Cambria Sprinkles and a Pantera filling. Avenged Sevenfold will be playing Rockstar Energy Drink Uproar Festival this year along with famed Nu-Metal rockers Disturbed.  The Rockstar Uproar Festival is brand new, as in this year, so give it a chance. The tour kicks off on August 17th in  Minneapolis, Minnesota and ends October 4th in  Madison, Wisconsin. Another band that will appear is Halestorm, a half country half rock/metal female-fronted group, but don’t get me wrong, singer Lzzy Hale is no Taylor Swift. Lzzy wouldn’t be caught dead dating Taylor Lautner of Twilight she’d be caught dating someone like Corey Taylor of Slipknot. By the way, Corey Taylor will be there in the form of Stone Sour. And who else should be there? You, if you like Metal, and country-infused metal, and Nu-Metal. Though Mayhem Fest’s Korn are prettty damn Nu-Metal as well.
10. Ozzfest - Seeing Ozzy alone is probably worth the ticket to many, but this year the festival also includes Motley Crue, Devildriver, Rob Halford, Drowning Pool and Black Label Society making appearances on the main stage. Ozzy Osbourne’s new CD “Scream” will be released June 22nd, and he will be performing his new material here. Starts August 14th in  Devore, California and wraps up August 24th in  Mansfield, Massachusetts. Info at http://www.ozzfest.com/welcome.html